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[sciencesquid]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, OCTAVIUS. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 015.03.020.15 *** OCTAVIUS has joined 015.03.020.15 <OCTAVIUS> You've reached Dr. Otto Octavius. Please leave a message.

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[sciencesquid]

[That's a long pause, but it does mean Peter's feeling this out in all earnesty. It's for the best. Otto knows how important MJ was to Peter- and still is, most likely. But is it right to expect Peter to wait for a reunion which may never happen?]

Well, that's certainly promising, isn't it? If that's how you feel, my advice would be to try a first date. Something casual, with lower expectations. Test the water a little more.

But I'll have to stop by the ranch soon, then, and see what she's like. Make sure she's good enough for you.

[He's joking, but also not joking.]

[heyunderoos]

I'll see when she wants to try a first date. We've hung out a few times before this, but never an actual date-date?

I do want her to meet you, I know she wants me to meet her brother Bert. They both live on the ranch together. It wouldn't be a bad idea to have all of us meet casually or something??

or is that weird. I never had the chance to meet MJ's parents. I don't know how this works.

[sciencesquid]

I don't think that's weird. You're suggesting a family dinner of sorts, that's perfectly normal. Though, I would wait until after the third date to arrange something like that.

Or after the fifth date. It depends whether you expect me to embarrass you in front of her.

[heyunderoos]

Third date sounds fair? It also depends on what Susan wants, she's like a little old fashioned-ish?

Okay, now I'm worried about what you plan on embarrassing me with. May at least had baby pictures, here I've just been like normal stupid. Stupid Susan is aware of at least. We met during the Wasteland stuff.

[sciencesquid]

No one said I'm planning to embarrass you, dear boy.

But you have raised the question of whether Mana would be able to get me some baby pictures of you if I were to ask her. She's brought stranger things into this world before.

[heyunderoos]

Yeah, you're definitely a dad alright if you're thinking about that, omg.

[sciencesquid]

I have to earn my father's day gifts somehow. And that #1 Dad mug.

[heyunderoos]

I feel like you earn those by being here, I didn't know there were dad clauses.

[Now they are absolutely distracted from their original point, but that isn't a surprise.]

[sciencesquid]

Oh yes, I had to sign a contract and everything. 500 pages' worth of guidelines, clauses, obligations and dad jokes.

I don't regret a single thing so far.

[heyunderoos]

[Any smartass response he has dies when he sees that last part of Otto's message. It just makes Peter stare for a moment, feeling emotional in a way he can't completely quantify.

He goes for his immediate response]

Love you too, Dad.

[sciencesquid]

[Peter's not the only one feeling emotional. It won't stop Otto from carrying on the joke, though.]

Good. Now remember that sentiment when I tell your potential new girlfriend about the time we accidentally broke one of those security mannequins in the mall on our first day here.

[heyunderoos]

Unfortunately, she's seen me do stupider things already. So, I don't think she'll be surprised.

oh my god, you're going to bond over me doing dumb stuff

[sciencesquid]

Most likely.

Does she have many good stories to share? I'd rather not be out-anecdoted if I can help it.

[heyunderoos]

Dad, I really don't think she can out-anecdote you considering we live together.

Maybe the time we yelled 'fuck you' at the fog god? We kind of annoyed everyone else at the park a little bit.

[sciencesquid]

Now, son. Mind your language. 8)

It's not too late to give her a few more stories to share, you know.

[heyunderoos]

Says the man who would yell the same at the fog given the chance.

I mean, she already knows I fall off chairs sometimes.

[Otto has likely seen Peter get a bit too into a project or book and fall off a chair without meaning to.]

I am probably not making myself seem cool at all, ugh.

[sciencesquid]

I would say "damn you", I think. Or "shame on you".

If you ask me, I think girls who only like 'cool' guys are a myth. They like kind and sensitive, and a good sense of humor.

[heyunderoos]

I don't think the fog feels a remote bit of shame, so she'd probably ignore that. She'd probably ignore me too. 'We don't understand our gift, blah blah blah'

I hope that's true. I want to see where this goes and not be boring or anything? idk.

[sciencesquid]

We understand the gift, we just don't like it. That's the difference.

How could you be boring when you do things like fall off chairs and swear at the fog?

[heyunderoos]

Is it even a gift if its something forced on you?

I guess when you put it that way, I can't be boring, lol. One of those is a lot cooler than the other.

[sciencesquid]

The best comparison I can draw is when a cat brings their owner a dead mouse. It's given with all the best, heartfelt intent, but it isn't welcome at all.

Or I could compare it to the colleague I once had who would give me a jar of homemade, experimental jam for Christmas each year. It always tasted dreadful, but he was convinced the flavor combination was revolutionary.

That's the spirit. But please don't use the F word next time you cuss out the fog, or she'll give us even more unwanted gifts.

[heyunderoos]

Honestly not sure which of those comparisons are worse, because they both fit a bit too well.

Otto, I feel like the fog has heard way worse than 'fuck' from people before. I mean, how long has she been doing this by now?

Two teenagers yelling at her probably barely registered.

[sciencesquid]

Alright, let me rephrase that.

For MY sake, please don't use the F word when you cuss out the fog again. And for Santa, just in case a potty mouth impacts your presents.

[heyunderoos]

I'll keep that in mind, but I don't think she's going to notice I exist unless I try to put her in a cube again.

Otto, living with you has been the only time I've really celebrated Christmas. I don't think Santa knows I exist either.

[sciencesquid]

[HMMMM. Did he mess up by specifically honing in on Santa? It's hard for him to say. He'll course correct just in case.]

I think that whoever it is who will ensure you get presents this December knows you exist, Peter. Be it a big cat or a big, jolly fellow. 8)